Monday, August 11, 2014

This Wasn't The Way It Was Suppose To Go....

Tonight was Meet The Teacher night at the elementary school.  Little Boy is having a sleepover at Grandma & Grandpa Sassy Pants house, so we will take him to visit with his teacher tomorrow after he comes home.  the Boy stayed home with Mr. Sassy Pants~~no need for him to visit when he already knows his Resource teacher.  He will have a new Speech teacher, but he can meet her tomorrow when we take Little Boy in.

the Girl was so excited to meet her new teacher.  the Girl said that 3rd grade will be the best year ever because she will get to learn how to write in cursive.  It was so much fun watching the joy on her face as she greeted friends whom she hasn't seen in three months.  She even had to go to the opposite end of the school to meet teachers from prior years.  She really is a model student & is a smart thing at that. 

Since we've been home, I've been feeling really blue, though.  Not because summer is almost over~~believe me, I'm ready for the kids to go back to school.  Not because I will have my 'last first' of sending a child off to Kindergarten.  I will be weepy, but I will get over it.  Not because we started 4th grade Homeschool with the Boy today.  Granted, there were glitches, but it's all for the best.

I think I'm feeling blue because this wasn't the way things were suppose to go.  This was suppose to be the year that I had three children all in the same school.  The Three Musketeers.  The three children who I would alternate having lunch with.  The three classrooms to help out in.  It didn't happen that way.  It won't be that way ever, as far as I know.  If & when it's time to send the Boy back to public school, it will not be at this school, as I know there is a black mark by his name.  Not by his choice.  Not his fault.  He had no say in the fact that his teacher wouldn't follow through with his IEP.  The stress was too much for him.  He is much happier at home.  I know he will have to face the challenges of school/peers/teachers again, but it's not going to be in the same school as his siblings.

I have to put these feelings into perspective.  I will feel blue tonight, so that I can then be happy.  Happy for the Girl as she enters 3rd grade.  Happy for Little Boy as he enters kindergarten.  I am happy for the Boy as we begin our journey together for his 4th grade year. 

It's kind of like a punch in the gut when your eyes are opened to 'real world' facts.  Things are going well for all of us.  We have a roof over our heads.  We have food to eat.  We have much love to share.  But it's also okay when the ugly thoughts & feelings pop up too.  When it's time for the Boy to reenter a school setting, we will make the best choice for him~~it just isn't going to be at the neighborhood school right up the street.  It isn't going to be the way that I imagined it to be.  If he is meant to be homeschooled longer than I am planning on, then so be it.

Please know that I am not complaining for the sake of being a Complainy McComplainerton.  It's just that when these feelings arise from deep down in my gut, I have to experience the anger & pain at those who did not meet my child's needs.  These are the times I want to isolate my kids & myself.  If we isolate, then we don't get hurt or let down.  Mind you, I will not do that~~we are surrounded with loving supports, & I never ever take that fact for granted.

It's just that this wasn't the way that it was suppose to go.....