Crybaby. Fussbudget. Sniveler. Bellyacher. Bawl baby. Whiner. Squawker.
When I was a child, those words were used to describe me. On a daily basis. These emotions are back to haunt me. Not because I am weak, but because I FEEL weak. Make sense? No? It's my feelings of failure I'm talking about here. My feeling that I've done something wrong. My brain knows that I didn't, & that I need to suck it up & deal with the issues at hand so that I can advocate for my son. So that I can assure that everything possible under the sun is going to be done to assure his success. My heart is another story. I stopped by work this morning to get a few things taken care of, & I'll be darned if Old Crybaby didn't show her face. There was a mix up in our swim lesson registration for the Big Boy & the Girl. Simple fix. Easy Peasey. I broke down in tears. I went down the hall to discuss subbing for a coworker at the end of the month. Again, I broke down in tears. Good grief, I needed to get out of that place so I could gain some composure.
I went to the library to check out some reading material that the Big Boy's psychologist had suggested. I found some books, & decided to sit down & browse before deciding which ones to check out. I came to a paragraph in one book about teaching Aspergers children to ask for help, as this is something that they can have a difficult time with when they get frustrated. You guessed it. I sat there on the floor silently crying my eyes out.
Let me say this: I am NOT a weak person. I have had some things happen in my life that might very well curl your toes. I would gladly go through those experiences again & again, if it meant that any of my children would not have to feel pain, confusion, loneliness, or heartbreak. That is not reality, though.
I am getting fired up for a SAT meeting this Thursday morning. Several staff members, the school psychologist, & I are going to discuss the Big Boy's new goals. The we will be setting up a time to get an IEP meeting scheduled. I have overwhelming feelings of anger at the school psychologist right now. Had she done her job the way I feel she should have, my son would already be a year into a behavior program. I have already decided that I am taking control of this meeting Thursday morning. The Boy's teacher & principal already know how angry I am with the psychologist. I know the tears are a my way of getting ready to stand up for my child. I am trying to figure out how to NOT rip this woman's head off. In my ideal world, the Boy's current psychologist,whom he sees every 2 weeks, would be there, but she has other commitments that morning. That's okay, I will make it clear that we will follow her plan for my children. We will work together as a team, for the benefit of my child. Period. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
That being said, the Little Boy & I went to the school to have lunch today. We alternate who we eat lunch with each time. It was time to join the Girl today. She doesn't need advance notice; the Boy likes his routine, & requires me to forewarn him when we are coming.
We joined the Girl & her class to eat some food that is not the same stuff we ate way back when. I'm telling you, school lunches were tasty at one time. But this isn't really about the food. Because I am able to stay home, I am able to join them at lunch time--that's what it's all about.
Today I learned that in first grade, it's fun to discuss the following things: vomit, dancing, knock knock jokes, & the TV show Jessie. I found out that it is not, under any circumstances to make fun of the Girls' brothers. Either of them. One of the Girls' classmates started laughing at the Little Boys speech, & I thought she was going to throw her tray at him. Then when the Big Boys' class came in & he made eye contact with me, this same child said, "look Kathryn, your brother looks like he's in a bad mood, as usual". OH. MY. GOODNESS!! The Girl looked that child square in the eye & said, "if you ever say anything bad about my brothers ever again, I'm going to make sure you go to the nurse's office & have to go home for the rest of the day! My brothers are my family & you may not say bad things about them!".
I don't know where she got that fire in her belly from, because Crybaby made an appearance. Again....